The Importance of the Pause

In several groups last week I became aware of how important it is to push the pause button.  In team leader training for Global Citizens Network, discussing the cultural conflicts that occur when westerners visit indigenous people’s villages, the topic of women and leadership came up.  A small group of experienced women advised women to not let their egos get in the way about “being in charge”. Although we were almost out of time, several young women’s body language indicated they were not comfortable.  A pause was offered to allow them to speak.  One woman spoke from her heart.  “I can’t do my job as a leader if community leaders only speak to the men in the group and won’t make make eye contact with me.”  By creating space for these young women to be heard, another perspective emerged, articulated by a young man who said  “This is about mutual respect, respect for our culture that values women as leaders.”   Exploring different perspectives expanded the group’s awareness of possible approaches to this challenge.

Later in the week I was with a newly forming training cohort to deepen our practice of the Peer Spirit Circle Process. The unspoken issue in the group was about diversity and inclusion. The pause allowed a subgroup of participants to raise concerns and awareness about not only cultural differences, but about the need to create a community that is inclusive and welcomes difference. Peer Spirit circle practice encourages groups to use a “guardian” who periodically rings a bell to signal a pause for silence. By doing this regularly, a group creates a familiar pattern that enables the pause when things heat up.

This weekend I was in a Women’s Leadership Community retreat, with Dr. Anne Litwin who shared her research on the challenges of women working with women. Again, the pause came up as critical to support all voices being heard, to invite  different perspectives and to encourage individuals to speak their truth.  The pause provides time and space, to percolate, to express personal feelings, to share an unpopular but perhaps 

People need pauses to percolate, to express a personal reaction share a perspective from a new point of view.  Creating a pause can be as easy as saying: “Let’s take a moment and stop the action to hear from those who haven’t spoken yet (or those who see things differently).”  It can be a 2-3 minute time out for people to be silent or write about their reactions. If a decision is about to be made, a quick poll can be taken to quickly show where the group stands. A handy polling tool is the “fist to five”: 5 fingers means I fully support the decision, 4 means support with reservation, 3 means I have questions, 2 means I don’t agree but will support the group, and the fist means “I don’t support and will block this”. With a quick show of fingers you can take a pulse check on how people are doing with a pending decision.

Pushing the pause button helps groups maintain energy and commitment and results in groups that are more cohesive.